I have often sat back and thought about some of the painful things that I have endured through my life and so many questions come to my mind but my biggest question has been WHY????? As I grow in my relationship with God I understand that my stories can help someone, which I pray that they do. Being a mother of four daughters just that revelation alone makes it all worth it to me I know what challenges can arise as they grow from children into women not that I can prevent every situation that may arise but I can definitely understand, lend advice and share my experiences to help alleviate some of the pain and confusion that I felt.
I have put up with alot more than I needed to in my life out of fear of rejection or being alone. I used to be so worried about what other people thought about me, both in such an UNhealthy way. When I was in an abusive relationship I didn't want to leave the abuser because I was afraid of being alone. When I'd get cheated on, lied to and disrespected in relationships I'd cry and argue but I never left maybe threatened to but never left as I should of because yet again I didn't want to be alone. I was afraid that if I would have walked away or said the things I needed to truly end it they really would've been gone and I didn't want to be rejected, I didn't want to be alone, and then there was that lie I'd say to myself all the time " he loves me, he really does" smh. Isn't it interesting how much we will put up with just to "have someone" in our lives out of fear of being rejected or being alone? We are worth so much more than being with someone that does not have the ability nor want or can't be who we need them to be. You are a child of the most high GOD and he created you to be loved not abused, cheated on, lied to or disrespected. You are NEVER alone GOD loves you UNCONDITIONALLY and when you
realize whose you are and how VALUABLE you are you won't allow ANYONE to say or treat you otherwise EVER again.
As I have matured I can't say grown up because we can grow up in the physical sense yet not be mature in a mental capacity. I have learned that I'd much rather be alone with my sanity and the love of the good LORD and my children than crying, stressed and questioning myself within a toxic and UNhealthy relationship to satisfy my flesh just to have someone in my life. I'd rather wait for someone of QUALITY sent from the great and gracious Lord from above than to settle for less than what I deserve EVER again!!
The best thing that I could ever say to anyone especially another woman is that if deep within yourself something does not feel right please trust that your spirit is sensing something for a reason. Be aware because if 1+1 is not equaling 2 eventually all those signs that you failed to notice or just brushed off will be confirmed at some point or another and by then it may be to late. Sometimes the emotional and mental pain of betrayal can be just as deadly and compromising as the physical.